I noticed on the first day that I was impressed by the good-humored and fun-loving nature of the Australians, particularly how they could tackle the cheeky questions from dumb tourists with considerable flair. Just outside of the operations office in the broadcast compound is the following list, which I think sufficiently demonstrates my point:
One of the interesting things to note is how many international fans are here at the tournament - as I chronicled, for many people Australia isn't exactly a short trip across town, it's 10,000 miles in any direction. But there's been a healthy contingent for just about every player here, which of course doesn't hurt when organizers are trying to sell the game as an international spectacle (they call this tournament, alternatively, "Your ticket to the world" or "Where the world comes to play"). British, Chinese, Greek, Serbian, Croatian, Spanish, Swedish, Swiss, Argentines, Chileans, and I'm pretty sure I saw an Australian or two (plus a couple of Yankees). It all gives the "happy slam" a true melting pot feel that I haven't noticed - at least not to the same degree - at Wimbledon and the US Open.
So while, no lie, I was a little let down to realize our list of stupid tourist questions wasn't an original Australian work of art, there's no question that they know how to have fun down here - and are more than eager to welcome everybody to the party.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)Naturally, I was a little disappointed to find out that this wasn't quite the solid-gold article it appears to be. Rather than be an actual list of responses from the Australian Tourism Board, it is (like most things these days) a popular and widely circulated internet urban legend. It first spread during the run-up to the 2000 Sydney Olympics and has since been slightly reworked; versions exist for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa ("kangaroos in the street" became "elephants in the street") and Vancouver, for the Winter Games which start in February ("I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto..."). Full details on the "legend" here.
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed ...
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the tournament is being held in Melbourne.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one...
Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...
Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: No, I can't.
Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
A: Under water?
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
A: What's the time frame?
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us ...
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.
Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks ...
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde ...
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one ... there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: Would you believe the Panda?
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?
Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: No. And even if I could ...
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
One of the interesting things to note is how many international fans are here at the tournament - as I chronicled, for many people Australia isn't exactly a short trip across town, it's 10,000 miles in any direction. But there's been a healthy contingent for just about every player here, which of course doesn't hurt when organizers are trying to sell the game as an international spectacle (they call this tournament, alternatively, "Your ticket to the world" or "Where the world comes to play"). British, Chinese, Greek, Serbian, Croatian, Spanish, Swedish, Swiss, Argentines, Chileans, and I'm pretty sure I saw an Australian or two (plus a couple of Yankees). It all gives the "happy slam" a true melting pot feel that I haven't noticed - at least not to the same degree - at Wimbledon and the US Open.
So while, no lie, I was a little let down to realize our list of stupid tourist questions wasn't an original Australian work of art, there's no question that they know how to have fun down here - and are more than eager to welcome everybody to the party.
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