Dateline Australia - Day One

I had an elaborate plan to jot down every step of misfortune that I encountered during the past three days, but it came across as petty considering I'm complaining about how I arrived in the midst of a beautiful Australian summer while it's -1 degrees with torrential snow back home. So let's skip to the bottom of the page on that one, although I first have to quote myself considering we had nearly identical circumstances as a year ago:

my assignment with ESPN's Event Production department has brought me to Melbourne as part of the team covering the 2010 Australian Open tennis tournament. Now that we're here, everybody is taking a moment to relax and re-charge before the real work begins over the next 17 days. Good thing too, because if I were asked to sum up the experience so far in a single sentence, here goes: "Anybody who ever said 'getting there is half the fun' has obviously never flown to Australia."

Last year it was at LAX, this year it was at SFO, both years it was United Airlines and the extremely shady "aircraft servicing" delay. Despite the four-hour plus delay, it's hard to get too cranky when it's a crisp 80 degrees here in our work environment. If it's going to be a royal pain to get somewhere, it might as well be somewhere nice and warm.

A year ago I opened the journal of Australian Open travel with a blow-by-blow of said difficult trip, but with exception of departing thru San Francisco instead of Los Angeles, the song remained the same so I'll skip ahead to more pleasant topics. Like the upcoming Green Bay Packers playoff game, which begins in a little over 12 hours - the time difference is so striking that what is a primetime Saturday night game will for us Down Under be like a regular NFL Sunday back home in the Central Time Zone, kicking off promptly at 12 noon. Gonna be a good one and hopefully Aaron Rodgers can get the Pack over the hump after narrowly missing out in their first trip to Atlanta.

About the only thing I can say to top this all off is, time shifting aside, make a little room on that viewing calendar for the Australian Open if your a tennis fan. There's a lot about this event which is super cool and unique, and almost oddly liberating since it takes place what the other half of the world calls the dead of winter and most of the rest of the world calls the middle of the night. Tune in starting at 6:30 PM ET on Sunday night in the States. Until tomorrrow...

New Year, New Journey - Second Stanza

OK, time to fire this thing back up. Not that the occasional rando-blog about Dan Gilbert's crazed caps-filled rants (in Comic Sans) isn't bloggable material, but I've got to do better than that. No better time to start than with another travelogue. Here's the teaser - check back in starting Thursday morning for the main course:

Sweetheart I'm bidding you fond farewell
Murmured the youth one day
I'm off to a new land my fortune to try
And I'm ready to sail away

Far away in Australia
Soon will fate be kind
And I will be ready to welcome the lass
The girl I left behind

Must we be parted this fair one cried
I cannot let you go
Still I must leave you, the young man replied
But for only a while you know

Whether it's success or failure
I will always be true
Proudly each day in a land far away
I'll be building a home for you

Daily she waits at the old cottage gate
Watching the whole day through
Till a sweet message comes over the waves
In a new world to join two

Far away in Australia
Soon will fate be kind
And I will be ready to welcome the lass
The girl I left behind

I'll explain later.

I'm Glad to See He's Not Taking This Personally...

I need to get back into full-time blogging shape, but for now I just have one thought after the conclusion of the no-ring circus known as "The Decision: LeBron".

At least Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert took an opportunity to show a little dignity in all of this.

Right?

Somehow I have the sneaky feeling we're going to learn Cavaliers.com was hacked this evening. If not, well...judge for yourself:

A Letter From Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Year Gone By

Stunning for me to think about how it's been a year since I started this thing (minus 2-days) and I only missed my pledge of one blog entry per day by 273 entries (honestly, the over/under was 1 week).

The biggest thing was that holding me up was I would usually get to the point of "almost" finishing a post and then saying to myself, 'I'll wrap this up tomorrow', and naturally 18 days would go by before the thought would even occur to me to check back, by which time the post was hopelessly outdated. Witness this entry from what was intended to be the epic last entry from Australia (I styled it as a Bill Simmons-esque "running diary"):

11:27 AM: Got a note about tonight's broadcast, or should I say an assignment: please help compile some photos for quick features that will compare the long British tennis drought with other suffering sports institutions: the Chicago Cubs and the city of Cleveland. Anybody who knows me knows at least a couple of things:

1) It's not that I think the world would be better off if the Cubs organization didn't exist...I know it for a fact.
2) The same principle applies to the city of Cleveland.

So reading this, the first thing that comes to mind for me is not how I now "have" to help design a feature that puts these utter failures on display, it's that I get to. This was the last-minute jolt I needed to get my enthusiasm back to the proper level!

With the benefit of two month's hindsight though, this diary was too good to let it be consigned to internet scrap heap. I'll post the full thing later tonight (I can tell you all wait with baited breath...)

Down Under, Day 16: Another Lazy Day in St. Kilda

It's amazing to think about everything that's gone on over the course of the last 16 days, and now my time in Australia is just about finished. Soon I'll have to trade 24 degrees Celsius for 24 degrees Fahrenheit (far from a fair exchange if you ask me), but I can't get greedy at this stage. I've been incredibly fortunate to have the chance to come down here and be a small part of an amazing team. Plus, I still can rub it in for a little while longer. Check out the view from St. Kilda tonight:


I'm a Midwestern guy, so I don't have high beach standards (and trust me St. Kilda, you're a far improvement from St. Joe Beach just off campus back at Notre Dame), but I'm told by people who know such things that St. Kilda's pretty far down the list of Australia's best beaches...or maybe not even on it. Having seen some of the vistas on the Australia tourism film shoots, I can see where they are coming from, but I'm certainly in no mood to complain. The sun was shining and the water was a cool 70 degrees (maybe colder, but it felt good to just lean back and float in the ocean with nothing to do for a brief while).

Back at the hotel now and relaxing for a brief moment; currently Serena Williams and Justine Henin are locked in a close fight for the women's title. I'm heading back to the park to check out the gift shop, which I hope is in an "Everything Must Go/Cut Prices Like Crazy Eddie" mode. Even if not, I promise I'll bring back some cool stuff.

One day more, and then the great Australian journey is finished...

Down Under, Day 15: The Genius Really IS At Work

“What moves those of genius, what inspires their work, is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has already been said is still not enough.”

I wish I could get better-quality versions of the "panorama" shots to appear in these posts themselves, but I guess they are just too big. Click on the photo above to get a better widescreen appreciation of the view inside Rod Laver Arena. The "stitch" program on my Mac actually does a real good job of linking together the iPhone photos in order to make a nice whole, even if certain people manage to appear in two places at once (look carefully at the ballkid in pink standing near the net).

Got a chance to see a match tonight for the first time at a slam, and it was a pretty good first trip - Roger Federer vs. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in the semifinals of the year's first major. The match itself promised a lot of sizzle, and as long as you were a Federer die-hard, it delivered. Those who enjoy competitive tennis were probably a little let down, as it looked like Federer was hardly trying and knocked out Tsonga cold in 90 minutes 6-2, 6-3, 6-2.

Up in the corner of the arena, as they are at every match he plays down here, there was a group that I can only surmise is the Roger Federer Stalkers Club of Melbourne. I have seen them on footage of every Federer match, every Federer practice, and I'm not talking about only here in 2010. It's like they hibernate for the rest of the year and emerge in Australia only for these two weeks. Anyway, they carry a big banner (cherry red like the Swiss flag) that proclaims "Shh!! Genius at work!" Having now seen him live and in person, I have to completely agree.

It's not that Federer can never be beaten (ask Rafael Nadal or Juan Martin del Potro of Argentina), it only seems that way. When he's on his game, and he's very rarely off it, the stunning thing isn't so much the quality of his tennis as much as the way he delivers it. I'm far from an expert on the game, but even I know great athleticism and a wonderful shot when I see one. Federer seems to have both in excess and hardly ever seems to be trying that hard to provide them. With a lot of other players that's not the case - you see the sweat, hear the grunts, can tell just how hard & far they're pushing themselves to be great. Federer might as well be lounging on the back porch with an iced tea for all the "effort" he appears to be giving.

This is his secret, of course. Probably because he routinely carves up high-quality opponents (Tsonga is a Top 10 player and made the final here in 2008), we take for granted how hard he must work, how deep his desire runs. It has to, otherwise he'd be bored out of his mind and retired by now. The guy simply loves to play tennis, watch tennis, and more than likely enjoys watching himself beat others while playing tennis. It was far from a scintillating match tonight - the most newsworthy event happened in the post-match interview when Federer fueled the fire of Andy Murray by joking, "He'll have to win the first title for British tennis in 150,000 years or something like that" - but it was amazing to see Federer play. And if we are going to proclaim the man a genius on the tennis court (there'd be few, if any, counter-arguments), we ought to remember what Thomas Edison said:

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.”

Video of match point:

Down Under, Day 14: Stupid Tourist Questions

I noticed on the first day that I was impressed by the good-humored and fun-loving nature of the Australians, particularly how they could tackle the cheeky questions from dumb tourists with considerable flair. Just outside of the operations office in the broadcast compound is the following list, which I think sufficiently demonstrates my point:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed ...

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the tournament is being held in Melbourne.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one...

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: No, I can't.

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
A: Under water?

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
A: What's the time frame?

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us ...

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks ...

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde ...

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one ... there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: Would you believe the Panda?

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: No. And even if I could ...

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Naturally, I was a little disappointed to find out that this wasn't quite the solid-gold article it appears to be. Rather than be an actual list of responses from the Australian Tourism Board, it is (like most things these days) a popular and widely circulated internet urban legend. It first spread during the run-up to the 2000 Sydney Olympics and has since been slightly reworked; versions exist for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa ("kangaroos in the street" became "elephants in the street") and Vancouver, for the Winter Games which start in February ("I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto..."). Full details on the "legend" here.

One of the interesting things to note is how many international fans are here at the tournament - as I chronicled, for many people Australia isn't exactly a short trip across town, it's 10,000 miles in any direction. But there's been a healthy contingent for just about every player here, which of course doesn't hurt when organizers are trying to sell the game as an international spectacle (they call this tournament, alternatively, "Your ticket to the world" or "Where the world comes to play"). British, Chinese, Greek, Serbian, Croatian, Spanish, Swedish, Swiss, Argentines, Chileans, and I'm pretty sure I saw an Australian or two (plus a couple of Yankees). It all gives the "happy slam" a true melting pot feel that I haven't noticed - at least not to the same degree - at Wimbledon and the US Open.

So while, no lie, I was a little let down to realize our list of stupid tourist questions wasn't an original Australian work of art, there's no question that they know how to have fun down here - and are more than eager to welcome everybody to the party.