Two Lanterns

My favorite personal "Only at ESPN" story so far. I was walking through the building as they shot this...and it's pretty funny to boot.

We Now Officially Live in the Matrix

Reports are coming in from all quarters...Brett Favre really did jog onto the Metrodome turf in a purple & gold Vikings uniform.

As the countless games of suffering I've had to endure as a White Sox fan watching Sox-Twins games didn't make me hate the Metrodome enough already.

The news tip that really caught my eye as reporters dedicating approximately 18 paragraphs per Favre completion (hint: he completed as many passes as the Sox scored runs tonight) was the following:

Chiefs linebacker Corey Mays bursts through the middle of the Vikings' line untouched on a blitz, slamming into Favre just as he lets go of the ball. Favre's pass falls well short of Harvin down the left sideline.

Yeah C-Mays! Even His Favreness will bow to the power of the dreads!

Funnier Than a Speeding Bullet

Usain Bolt, as you may be aware, is very fast. If there is one man who I would bet could kill a cheetah, it would be Bolt, as even a cheetah would not be able to keep up with his lightning-quick moves. And the man has a sense of history to go with his historic fleetness of foot:

For those who are not similarly acquainted with history, Bolt's shirt references one of John Kennedy's less than stellar rhetorical flourishes, the boast of Ich bin ein Berliner, meant to be a statement of Cold War solidarity during a speech in West Berlin during the summer of '63. German satirists (not to mention generations of American media, comedians, and even political historians) quickly started spreading the legend that JFK's statement was actually understood by the local audience not as "I am a Berliner", but rather (and I'm translating loosely), "I am a jelly doughnut". There is a delicious pastry known as berliner in Germany, but in Berlin is known more commonly Pfannkuchen. (It's the Deutschland equivalent of Ding-Dongs vs. Ho-Hos, apparently.) While not nearly as delicious sounding, Kennedy did deliver his intended message of "I am a citizen of Berlin" in proper German.

And who exactly is the cuddly Berlino depicted on Bolt's shirt? The mascot for the Track World Championships. Bolt humored the Teddy Ruxpin wanna-be with a mock race shortly after shattering the world record in the 200 meters today.

The Results Are In

A little more than 24 hours after the news broke, a Google search for "Brett Favre Fredo" yielded 795 hits. Granted that includes more than few nameless blogs (like this one) and Twitter pages, but I think my point is still valid.

There's going to be a spoof on YouTube before long with Aaron Rodgers playing Michael Corleone, going in for the kiss - I know it was you, Brett. You broke my heart.

Of course, as you recall from the press conference yesterday, Brett will simply say to himself, "This is the business we've chosen!!"

Purple People Eater

Over/under on the number of major columnists (ESPN.com counts too) who work a Fredo reference into their take on the Brett Favre saga? Eh, let's go conservative: 62.

There was a time when yes, I probably would've been raging upset about this. But if Brett's master scheme was to simply rope-a-dope his haters until they ceased having the requisite ire, count me as a success. The whole things has just dragged on too long. I really don't care. And in all honesty, I know Brett Favre doesn't care that I don't care. So good for him in that sense.

Still, this is one short step from Larry Bird joining the Lakers, Michael Jordan joining the Pistons, or Derek Jeter joining the Red Sox. Something about it seems fundamentally wrong. As such, this is the conversation many a Packer fan is having with the Favre poster on his wall tonight:

- We're your first team, Brett, and we were stepped over!
- That's the way Ted Thompson wanted it.
- It ain't the way we wanted it! We can handle things! We're smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... We're smart and we want respect...Brett, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you on the DirecTV package, I don't want you near my favorite sports bar. When you come to see the statue of Lombardi, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

With apologies to T.O., November 1st (Minnesota @ Green Bay). Get your popcorn ready.

Standing Firm or Selling Out, Archie-Style

Turmoil in the Middle East. Raging debate over the future of health care. The forces of good and evil currently at work inside the mind of Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffery Lurie. All of these are valuable topics for debate, inspiring much discussion and rancor.

However, shouldn't we all really be focusing our attention on whether Archie picks Betty or Veronica?

Meet Dave Luebke, who I'm sure is a great guy who loves his mother and provides for his children, walks old ladies across the street (or did, in his youth), and is all sorts of likeable. But once Luebke made headlines Friday with his decision to PROTEST!!! the upcoming comic book storyline where Archie will marry rich-gal Veronica rather than gal-next-door Betty, he opened the door to all sorts of ridicule.

Luebke, who has now forcefully stated his disdain for the storyline by auctioning off a rare first-edition of the very first Archie comic (for $38,000 and change) says that the state of the economy is only part of the reason he's selling - Luebke knows that you've gotta stand for something, so who are without our ability to stand on principle over fictional comic book characters who haven't left high school since 1939? For those who may lack the emotional attachment that Luebke has, the gag with this whole Archie-picks-Veronica arc is that it's a one-off diverting storyline...and after it, the gang returns to high school, presumably by way of a hydrogen bomb that will be detonated on an island that can't be found inside of a hatch that hasn't been built by people who won't be there 30 years later as a result (LOST reference! 10 points!) All those reassuring this is just pretend statements do not sway Mr. Luebke, who told USA Today: "Betty is it. Not Veronica...This is serious."

It seems to me that if Luebke were really into this, he'd be burning his priceless memorabilia rather than selling it. Does he really think that The Man will capitulate and let Archie be with the blonde because he, a vintage collector, is banking 40 grand? To me, that doesn't signify his outrage, it just signifies he knew how to maximize interest in the auction.

Unofficial Notre Dame Night @ Wrigley Field

Jeff Samardzija, recent two-sport Irish star, got his first major league start tonight against the Phillies - and promptly got worked for 7 runs in 3.1 innnigs. I would commiserate Jeff, but misery never looks so good as it does when wearing Cubbie blue. Relieving 'The Shark' later on was Aaron Heilman, former New York Metropolitan and member of the class of 2001. And who could forget the back end of the Phillies bullpen, anchored by another Domer, Brad Lidge? This may well be the first time one school had 75% of its professional alumni in any sport on the field in the same game (though, barring a sudden competency attack for the Cubs, a 12-3 Philly lead assures Lidge will have no save opportunity tonight).

For those keeping up with Stats, Inc., Notre Dame has a total of four alums currently in Major League Baseball - the 4th is veteran infielder Craig Counsell.